Naked raindrop

I sometimes think that it might be best to not know or question what might potentially be or not be. When we spend our minutes pondering what is happening in that part of the universe which we cannot see, we seem to be pondering things which we ultimately have no idea about. Or do we?
Today I climbed out of the window in my room and sat in the cold rain on the roof outside my window. The rain drops were falling slowly. Beautiful in mid-air only to end up as one tiny wet spot upon a surface. What started out as something magical ends up on a piece of cement for a brief while- only to dry up in a few minutes. The rain drop holds so many variations of beautiful canopied light fragments that I wish it would last a little longer in the mid-air decent so that I could stare at its wondrous beauty. But it will never just pause in mid-air.
As the cold rippled across my skin in a goosy-bump ricochet of darkness I let my mind drift aimlessly to things which can only exist in mind and I pondered whether I was wasting my time and energy on these things. What is hope? What is faith and trust? What are these elements which seem so fundamental to the existence of the human soul and heart. Do they exist on any level at all, or is it in an idea that they seemingly exist? Because what is one man’s truth is another’s lie and so it is with hope and faith and any of these qualities we have in life.
I decided that answers to questions which do not have answers need to be addressed with the same mind set as a 6 year old. Everything is seen in an innocently different light and there is no reason or need to have an answer at all, but to simply accept that it is this way- unknown or answerless. And that we do not need to know the point or purpose of something. We simply need to exist and exist in an equilibrium that is suitable to who we are. And as we change and grow, that equilibrium will shift with us. But we do not need to define the elements in that equilibrium, it just has to feel right- from the gut. So we do not need to think so much about all the things that have no purpose for thought. It is like feeling our way to the bathroom in the darkness of the night- we do not need a light, we simply have to feel the way. Is that not what it is to love and be close to someone- to simply feel the way, trust the gut and instinct. Some would label this faith. And having the ability to trust oneself.
So I stopped thinking about the cold, as I sat on the roof top. I felt the desperate urge to undress myself in that moment, and be naked with the cold raindrops on my milky skin. And to not think about it being cold, but to simply just feel what it feels like against the skin- as a drop of water from above splashing onto my skin, then trickling downwards, creating a path along my smooth flesh. The process of thought plays a role in the need for a conscious awareness of the consequences of our actions, which ultimately affects our decision to do or not to do. Undressing in the cold, may mean that my body will suffer for the worse and I may get sick. Yet at the same time, my body may be strong enough to handle the few minutes of coldness. But when we are talking about actions bigger than simply undressing in the rain, it is imperative that we invest in the intellectual ability to think and be with our thoughts.
Thoughts also seem to be a form of articulating what we mean in relation to what we feel. If something is important to us, we want to know why it is so and we want to express this importance in the most coherent way so that we can share and influence other people. Thus, being present with our thoughts is extremely important. In an essence the one guides the other.
To remain thoughtless at all times would be like a raindrop without its light. It would be bland and empty and have little attraction. It would be naked. To transcend to a state of thoughtlessness but to elevate to a state of complete feeling and enlightenment is what the ultimate goal is. It implies we control the rage of thoughts which drive in and out of our minds. It is like the raindrop which would be able to control the type of light and refraction which passes through it and remains within it. It is the ultimate force.
I sat on the roof for a long time. The street was so noisy it was hard to numb the sound of the passing traffic. Eventually I switched the screen behind my closed eyes and discovered the ocean above which I was flying. I feel the warm air riding above the ocean with me. I never know which way the air is going, but it feels like the spirals are moving around me as opposed to with me. My fingers are spread and there is a buzz weaving between them and around them. My soul feels as though it has left my body behind. I am dancing somewhere else now.
And that is all I can say to describe the ultimate space into which I entered for a short space of time. Because the feeling was explosive, euphoric and liberating. It felt like I was lost in a time 10 000 years ago, before the human civilisations even existed. There was the energy of the leaves and sands present and a feeling of the unknown as being a part of me. My pulse locked into slow motion. And all became still. And there I sat for a long while, with coloured-lighted raindrops splashing on my face, as though they were pierced jewels used to decorate my cheeks and forehead. And the world in which my physical being sat, was different to the world my spirit was in. Sublimity. An adorned raindrop light-years and dimensions away. Beautiful.